If you have some toxic traits, it doesn’t mean you’re a toxic person. Over time, we may pick up certain traits and qualities in an effort to “protect” ourselves from the world. The important part is not to be blinded to the traits that do not serve us or others. By quitting these toxic traits, we’re better able to pursue growth and replace them with ones that ultimately make us happier and more fulfilled humans.
1. I am who I am mentality
The “I am who I am” mentality is a form of fixed mindset. This means you know you have toxic traits that negatively affect your and the people around you and yet you make no effort to change. Or you believe change can’t be achieved because this is “just how you are.”
These people often claim things like, “I am who I am, you either like it or you don’t.” And while it’s great to be confident in who are you, if people don’t feel good after being around you, then that’s not confidence, that’s ignorance. Growth is hard work and many don’t want to put in the effort to become the amazing people they know they can be. Recognize those toxic traits that aren’t serving you and quit them in pursuit of amazing ones that make you a better person.
2. Negative self-talk
This is so much more harmful than we realize. Your brain believes whatever you tell it. You cannot expect to become your best self if you do not speak to yourself with grace and pride for who you’re striving to be. If you don’t love yourself right now as who you are, you won’t love yourself once you’ve lost weight or gotten that job or finished that degree. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love, nothing less.
Procrastinating in general is a not an awesome trait. But especially procrastinating tasks that take 10 minutes or less. It’s one of those lessons that you keep on learning the hard way. Just get up and fold that laundry or do those dishes. You’ll be so happy and relieved that they’re out of the way. If you can stop procrastinating, you’ll be shocked at just how much more productive and efficient the rest of your life becomes.
4. Not setting boundaries
Not setting boundaries is a toxic trait that can have serious negative impact over time. Necessary boundaries vary from person to person but can include things like time or emotional boundaries. It’s okay to say no to plans or experiences that will not make you happy. Or things that will force you to spread yourself too thin. You should not feel obligated to please other people at your own expense.
For me, boundaries look like limiting time with certain people. I am an empath by nature so certain people mentally and emotionally drain my energy. Take a good look at who and what isn’t adding to your life. Do you feel low and discouraged after spending too much time on social media? Limit it. Is your friend always expecting you to say yes to every night out? Let her know that can’t work for you long term. Whatever boundaries you need, set them so you can better show up for yourself.
Life is hard. But it’s only as good as you make it. I challenge you to take a good hard look at the thoughts and words you speak in 24 hours. Are they coming from a place of gratitude and abundance? Or are you getting hung up on small inconveniences and turning those in to entire bad days. There are few traits that drain yourself and those around you as much as complaining. If people around you are always trying to show you the bright side or cheer you up, you might just be someone who’s complaining too much. Quitting this trait and intentionally focusing on gratitude will fundamentally change your life.
6. Not being present
Not being present with your family, friends, or significant other is a toxic trait that you need to quit. When you’re scrolling your phone or watching TV and someone is trying to talk to you, you’re essentially telling them what they have to say is not important to you. It’s the fastest way to create poor channels of communication between you and the most important people in your life. We only live this life once, don’t miss out because you were too busy scrolling.
7. Not claiming your mistakes
With friends or significant others, it’s so important to own up to your mistakes. It can be extremely hard to admit fault, especially if you come from previously defensive or toxic relationships. However, if you truly want to continue to be in the friendship or relationship, you need to be humble enough to claim your mistake. If the person is truly meant for you, they will be graceful and understand.
8. Not being yourself
In social settings, it can be easy to slip in to a filtered version of yourself in the hopes that people like you. The problem with this is, youl’l be attracting the wrong people for you. You’ll be attracting watered down versions of the true relationships we all crave. Instead of making genuine connections, you’ll be making surface level relationships that don’t serve you or the other person. Be unapologetically you and watch how many people gravitate towards your energy. And even better, it’ll be people you genuinely want to connect with.
9. Being overly critical
Being overly critical of people will slowly tear them down over time and can ruin your relationships. Having grace with people is one of the most underrated qualities. Give people the benefit of the doubt and be understanding with their mistakes. Be someone who makes people feel confident, inspires, and elevates them!
Being overly critical of yourself is a trait you may consider working on too. The best way to avoid this is to be truly honest with yourself. If you’re doing your best, then be graceful with yourself. Going right alongside with negative self-talk, you can’t expect to become the person you were truly meant to be if you’re always criticizing yourself.
10. Trying to fix everything for everyone
Repeat after me, it is not my job to fix everyone’s problems. The ability to care for others and try and mend their problems is admirable but it can quickly become toxic to you. Be a sounding board for them and be understanding, but you don’t have to kill yourself to actually fix the problem at hand. It doesn’t take long for this trait to wear you down and soon enough you’ll begin to feel like a failure or a bad friend/significant other if you can’t fix the problem for them.
We can all use a little reflection on our toxic traits and habits to ensure we are doing our best to be intentional with who we are and where we can improve. Pursuing growth is one of the best things you can do for yourself and growth starts with some tough love and self-awareness.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Morgan Smith is a social media manager and writer for her lifestyle blog, The Relatable Red. Her dream is to show up for women authentically by offering real and relatable life advice, just like your best girlfriend would. Morgan lives in Florida with her fiancé, their two dogs, and two cats. She enjoys spending time with family, weightlifting, and reading.